NO MORE SELF-LOATHING

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine who has been out for decades, and is married to her partner of many years.  She asked me if it's normal for a Gay person to question if he or she is "normal," as she has those concerns.  I told her that the tragic fact is that many LGBT people erroneously view themselves as abnormal, and that is largely due to the many ignorant and/or hateful messages to which they have been exposed for most all of their lives; most of these messages come from "religious" sources.  The late Randy Shilts hit it on the head:

"Cultural prejudice has not only succeeded in making most heterosexuals

hate gays; it has succeeded in making most gay people hate themselves"

-- Randy Shilts [Thanks to PageOneQ.]

I wholeheartedly agree with this quote from the late Randy Shilts, but I would add that it is cultural prejudice, fueled and reinforced by religious prejudice against LGBT people, spewed by all too many clergy who have vilified Gay people from their pulpits, that has spawned this hate by their justification of that hate and discrimination, that frequently leads to vilification, bashings and murders of LGBT people.

As I've written and spoken of before: Every single drop of blood shed by LGBT people, either through suicide, bashing, or murder, is on the hands of homophobic clergy, professing Christians who in any way support them, and those who remain silent in the face of such ungodly, hateful rhetoric and discrimination, that has others loathing Gay people, and has even many Gay people loathing themselves.

This self-loathing either causes many Gays to lead lives of quiet or not so quiet desperation, some going so far as to kill themselves, believing the lie that they have been told by these clergy and many other professing Christians, that God doesn't love them, or approve of their relationships.

Always remember that just because someone calls him/herself a Christian, or has his/her collar turned around, doesn't necessarily make that person a Christian! Just because one goes to church every single day doesn't necessarily make him/her a Christian!

Hear Jesus, the Prince of Peace: "A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them." (Matthew 7:18-20)

Simply put, Jesus is a behaviorist! You are what you do, and you do what you are! If you spew hate, be it falsely claimed in the name of God or not, you have proven yourself to be none of His! There are many wonderful people who, whether or not they know it, belong to God! And, unfortunately and conversely, there are many wolves in clergy and other "Christian" attire, in sheep's clothing, who who spew their hate, even in sanctimonious terms, falsely claiming to speak for God, who are not "good trees" but who are evil.

Only a good tree will bring forth good fruit that manifests the grace and love of God, and homophobic clergy and other professing Christians who align themselves with their lying rhetoric and discriminatory behavior, either actively or by their silence, show themselves to be bad trees who bring forth corrupt fruit that cause untold damage and hardship to LGBT people and their families.

And, by so doing, these "corrupt trees" are liars! They lie about Gay people and their relationships (They bear false witness, contravening one of the Ten Commandments!); they lie about being spokespeople for God, the God of grace Who has unconditional love for ALL of His children, be they Gay or Straight!

Homophobic clergy and their followers are liars! And, being the "corrupt trees" they are, they are none of His!

So, don't listen to them! Ignore them, and never let them, or any other "corrupt tree," define your worth, the validity of your relationships, or your standing with God!

Always remember, as my friend Rev. Troy Perry, Founder and 37 year Moderator of the Metropolitan Community Churches, and a tireless fighter for LGBT rights, wisely said, "God didn't create someone whom He could sit around and hate!

Believe me: If you are Gay, God made you just as He wanted, and He loves you, and don't ever let anyone else tell you differently!

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HOMOPHOBIC AND TRANSPHOBIC VIOLENCE AS KILLING THE SELF

It might be stated that the often erroneous dichotomizing of sexual and gender categories, once experienced as not really being part of one’s self, frequently results in the need, the intense desire, to persecute that now recognized part of one’s self that often becomes projected upon the person (or group of people) that has called attention to the unconscious, unwanted, homosexual and/or transphobic feelings aroused by the very existence of that other person; it is felt that that person and what he/she represents has to be destroyed, for in destroying that other person, the self-identified “heterosexual” victimizer is seeking to destroy that unwanted homosexual part of himself.

As my good friend, Don Charles wrote on his blog, “Christ, The Gay Martyr,” regarding “Machismo” as being a taken for granted fact of life that underlies much of homophobia and transphobia: “In a culture dominated by Machismo, there is no room for persons of blended gender! We undermine the gender fascism that Machismo preaches. We contradict the world view that demands dominant men and subservient women. We will always be perceived as a threat to the concept of “pure” masculinity; our sexual orientation alone guarantees that. As I’ve stated before, all it takes to qualify as a gender outlaw is to be a man-loving-man or a woman-loving-woman.”

Gay people and people of blended gender threaten the man-made construction, the fiction, of sexual and gender polarities as being “normal,” as being “the way things are meant to be.” Hence, the homophobic and transphobic rhetoric emanating from the pulpits in most of the institutional Church, justifying such unchristian rhetoric and discrimination in the names of “the Bible,” “morality,” “tradition,” “family values,” “for the good of the children,” etc.

And, often to help “sanitize” the rhetorical victimizing of Gay and transgender people by many professing “Christians” is to appeal to the Bible and to God, as irrational as are those “justifications” to those who have even a scintilla of spiritual sense! For the homophobic and transphobic, any person, group, or event that brings to consciousness the realization of a threat to his avowed sexuality (particularly male heterosexuality) results in a profound threat to those whose very unconscious lives put the lie to “the normality” of sexual and gender polarity; the fiction of the homophobe’s “avowed heterosexuality” which, as a defense, he has selected as the core part of his avowed identity.

Hence, his felt need to suppress his sexual feelings by projecting his anger onto any person or group that exhibits any attributes that bring to his consciousness, or even highlight, his repressed sexual feelings. And when that core part of his identity is in any way threatened by bringing to his consciousness the reality of his actual sexuality and/or gender status, he feels the need to engage in Reaction Formation by victimizing “the other” whom he has spent a lifetime trying to hide and avoid within himself.

Hence, homophobia and transphobia often results in the murder of that “other” that, in reality, is unconsciously (and sometimes consciously) experienced as the desperately unwanted and resented part of the perpetrator’s self. So, the victimizer or murderer is in a very real sense futilely seeking to murder that very part of himself that he terribly despises, and that he has projected upon that very person or group that has brought to his consciousness the reality that he can’t bring himself to acknowledge, even to himself.

So the terrible irony of much of the dynamics of homophobia and transphobia is that many of those who are most phobic regarding sexuality and gender performance are very likely to be those who are most threatened by those very features that they, themselves, resentfully (and often unconsciously) possess!

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CHRISTIANITY AFFIRMS SAME-SEX LOVE

The following is a slightly edited reprint of my December 21st post:

It might surprise many of you that I am a very theologically conservative Christian! I believe in the virgin birth of Jesus; the Resurrection; the Ascension of Jesus into heaven; His Sacrifice that covers over all of our past, present, and future sins. I also believe that the Bible is the Word of God that I take very seriously.

I agree with the late Rev. Peter J. Gomes who, in his excellent book, The Good Book: Reading the Bible with Mind and Heart, stated that when we read the Bible, we must take into account the text, the subtext, the context, what we bring to the text, and what we take out of the text. Reading the Bible is not for simplistic and arrogant haters who use it to affirm and impose their preconceived prejudices onto others, and use it as a hammer to in any way hurt or condemn anyone.

A Christian is called upon by Jesus to love and not judge others! The two Commandments Jesus gave all who would be His disciples are to love God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength; to love our neighbor as ourselves! Period!

No Christian is subject to the laws laid down for Jews in the Old Testament! Anyone who uses the Old Testament to in any way trash LGBT people is either a very immature Christian or is not a Christian at all!

All Christians are given their salvation by the grace, or unmerited favor, of God! We see this fact in the story of the repentant thief on the Cross. He didn’t have to know the four spiritual laws, didn’t have to get baptized, and didn’t have to confess all of his sins; Jesus didn't ask him if he was Gay or Straight.

And we, too, appropriate God’s grace by having unwavering faith in God, despite seen circumstances. Hence, those who preach a false gospel of legalism, perfectionism, and what I call “genital theology,” are “missing the mark,” which is the very definition of “sin.”

Many people who condemn others, who seek to deprive LGBT people of equal civil and sacramental rights, are therefore not Christians, despite what they call themselves, and despite the fact that they may even attend church each and every week. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going into a garage makes you a car!

As I have often written, Christianity is very consistent with same-sex love! There is nothing in Scripture that prevents same-sex love and same-sex marriage! Indeed, love is essential to the Christian life, and that love is by no means to be restricted to heterosexual love!

Don’t be fooled by professing Christians, many of whom are mere haters, who “bear false witness” against Gay people, thereby contravening one of the Ten Commandments. They say such outrageous things that Gay people caused Hurricane Katrina, are destroying the institution of marriage, are “disordered,” etc. These allegations are foolish on their face, and only a very limited and hateful human being could assert them or take such allegations seriously!

I have been an LGBT activist for about twenty years and, as you might imagine, I have been verbally assaulted by assorted professing Christians accusing me of not being a Christian and not respecting “the sanctity of marriage.” They refuse to see that it is heterosexually married couples that, by divorce, are hurting the institution of marriage and disrespecting its sanctity!

My wife and I are about to celebrate our fiftieth Wedding Anniversary, and we both are in agreement that we want same-sex couples to be allowed to get married if they so choose so that they can not only receive the many civil benefits that accrue to married couples, but also be enabled to experience the love and fulfillment like that with which my wife and I have been blessed!

But when LGBT people denigrate themselves by using hateful epithets as self-identifiers, or engage in publicly promiscuous behaviors, or relish in their being consigned to pariah status as sexual outlaws, those actions betray and thereby retard the cause of equality! Only meaningful organizational and grassroots activism, combined with the dignified comportment and the demand by LGBT people to be treated with the dignity that must be the lot of every human being, will we accomplish the goal of LGBT equality in this Civil Rights movement.

It won’t occur in my lifetime, but I truly pray that in the foreseeable future same-sex couples will be awarded the very same rights as heterosexuals now enjoy, and that those who choose to get married will be blessed with the happiness and fulfillment that my wife and I have enjoyed for the past fifty years!

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